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Mad Reasons Why Homophobia Is Dumb As Fuck

Mad Reasons Why Homophobia Is Dumb As Fuck


So I was on the D train the other day. I had spent the latter part of the evening sitting on the steps in front of the Allen Street playground getting my Chipotle and people watching on. I’m bangin’ some Skyzoo on the Spotify, unwinding and whatnot, but my spidey senses are starting to tingle.

For those unaware, a Black man’s spidey senses go off when dumb shit enters our radius.

I’m listening to the music, but there’s this loud ass conversation happening a few seats behind me. I put my music on mute but keep the earphones in to be as semi-New York nosey as possible, and I overhear this very belligerent brother exclaiming incredibly loudly to someone who was either a stranger or very close friend, depending on the angle and level you enjoy spectating random ass subway conversations:


The offensiveness of the language was filling the car. However, before I get into a diatribe as to why dude was a schmuck, lemme paint this canvas:

Dude had an open can of Four Loko in his hand. For those unfamiliar with Four Loko, it is the drink you buy from the bodega when you’ve decided that rather than shoot yourself in the face with a bag of expired firecrackers, you’d much rather do it the old fashioned way, and inhale a poison intoxicant made from old pieces of Volkswagon tire parts.

Anyhoot, I knew dude was talking out of his ass, and was probably highly inebriated. On top of that, he looked like he could have been an extra in a Grand Puba video from 1994. Dude looked like the type of cat who always argues in hip-hop conversations that U-God was the most underrated member of Wu-Tang.

He’s THAT guy. It’s actually Masta Killa, but whatever...

The dude who still thinks baggy jeans are the reason why America is fucked up, as opposed to the idea that we now live in a world where someone named Donald Trump is The President of the United States, or that there’s police brutality, or systemic racism, or like, broken down educational and healthcare programs.

His friend/stranger, seemed kind enough: A sister-girl begrudgingly hanging or speaking with the brother out of guilt or based on her sympathy for his ineptitude or maybe because he saved her tortoise from asphyxiation that one time in summer camp...

Who knows.

I see her trying to argue, sorta, why homophobia is silly.

I’m offended. Everyone on the train is offended. In spite of this, no one is saying a damn thing. Not a peep. Myself included.

Yes, friends, we have now moved to a society where rants like these have become so commonplace that we’ve almost become desensitized to them and now give the floor to out-of-touch neanderthals who would still rather make fire by rubbing twigs together.

But, maybe it’s not just that...

Maybe a part of it is because its fucking 2015, and we all could kind of not give two shits and share a hearty laugh at how fucking silly it is to be a homophobe.

Being gay isn’t a Scarlett Letter. Being gay isn’t an HIV diagnosis. Being near a gay man will not make you gay. A gay man looking at you doesn’t mean you’re gay. You may just have some spinach in your teeth or guac on your shirt or some sloppy shit like that.

Having a conversation with a gay man will not make you gay. Not every gay man wants you. Wearing jeans that are your actual waist size doesn’t make you gay. Complimenting another man doesn’t make you gay. Sharing food with a gay man is not gonna make you gay. There are really folks who believe your sexuality is a choice, like choosing a burger or a shirt. Or, that condoning or tolerating…

Hold up. I hate that word so much. You tolerate bad breath or the pace of slow moving tourists taking up the walking lane, NOT whom a person chooses to love.

Back to what I was saying.

… the union of two people who happen to be in love and happen to be of the same sex, will ruin the institution of marriage. Sorry to break your heart Kim Davis, but shit been fucked and you using your religion and whomever you consider your God to be, won’t stop the future, which is already here.

My first day of high school saw me bearing witness to two dudes kissing near the lockers. I was confused and disgusted. I was from the hood, ya’ll. 10468 to be exact. I had never seen shit like that. Homosexuality might as well have been braille. As a teen, anything considered soft or weak was gay.

“Can’t throw a football far enough?”


“Cried when Mufasa died in "The Lion King"?


“You write poetry to girls?”


Lewis, the cool kid in my kindergarten class, who would take his shoes off to jump rope with the girls instead of play football with the boys?


“You ain’t have sex with the girl on the first date aaand you walked her home?”

You get it. Shit starts early.

I wish I could tell you that I knew what changed for me. Maybe it was knowing and being around enough LGBTQ’s in high school to recognize that the air we breathed, blood we bled, hands we used to act in Othello and You Can’t Take It With You, makeup kits we shared in junior year, issues of life and homework and dating and sex and raging hormones we shared, were all just that...

Shared. Meaning, equal. And also realizing that our struggles, me as Black kid from the inner city and those of my gay friends I was close enough to, were also quite similar.

Different books, shared themes, you know?

Whatever it was, I soon saw that these ideas and notions I had of masculinity were shifting drastically. And I mean, come on. Langston Hughes, James Baldwin? Kick ass gay Black men. Like, how silly could it be for me to fear and mock someone simply because I didn’t understand them? Especially considering the fact that some of these folks that I held so dear to me in worlds that I was utterly enamored with were these glorious, legendary, and beautiful Black men?

At that point being homphobic felt like some real cornball ass shit.

So please folks, stop using your religion or your old ass Elizabethan times rhetoric to disguise your bigotry. You don’t dig what’s going on in the LGBTQ community? Sorry. Go build a spaceship, fly a kite, find a hobby, literally, whatever floats your ignorant ass boat.

Or just get on board.

Dude on the train was like, "Obama is gay."

No idea why he thought that was relevant, why he felt that way, or even why he felt that would, in some logical way, tighten his argument against homosexuality — but, then again, he was drinking Four Loko straight from the can on the D train and probably has all of U-God’s albums.

No offense, U-God.

So Imma rest easy knowing the brother is way behind the curve.

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