10 Truths About Dating Ambitious Black Women
Truth One: We Are Not Your Mothers
It is not our job to take care of grown men. Set your own appointments, keep an eye on your own credit rating, take care of your own health, and well-being. If we’re working on uplifting our own damn selves and turn around to find that we are also responsible for making sure you are on point — things won’t go far. Know that basic efforts get no applause. You will not be handed a cookie for doing what you should already be doing. We will not praise you for having a job, a car, an education, common decency.
Rise above or fall back.
Truth Two: Our Ambition Is Multi-Faceted
An ambitious woman isn’t just gung-ho checking her e-mail and setting up meetings with clients. She’s ambitious about her whole entire life. Understand that a woman who rarely sits down is also going to be a fierce partner to you. Goal setting? Stacking money? Traveling the world? This is the woman who will partner with you to make these things happen. If that’s something you can match, have at it.
If not, step out of the way.
Truth Three: You Don’t Own Our Time or Our Attention
A lot of people we come into contact with while trying to network, shop for clients, and collaborate with are male. They might even be single and attractive males. Should we turn down relationships that might benefit our goals just because you feel insecure about what may happen during a discussion over coffee? Nope. No one expects a man to turn down a business connection just because the body attached to the hand they’re shaking happens to be well toned and female. Ambitious women will network unapologetically — so get your ego in check.
Truth Four: We Don’t Do Messy
Don’t ever come to us with second hand information or assumptions based on what your ex did or even based on behavior we once displayed unless it’s positive. We will always be your fiercest ally and therefore you should be ours. Unless shadiness is undeniably confirmed, don’t muddy the waters with allegations based on what you think or overhear. Instead, shut down the accusers and be confident enough to let it die then and there.
Pettiness is a time-waster and won’t be entertained.
Truth Five: We Are Our Biggest Fans
I’m a writer. Therefore the man who wishes to grace my most intimate spaces on a regular basis should always be my biggest fan. We don’t have to love the same things to love what each of us is driving towards. If you aren’t a little amazed by what I put my energy into, how could you possibly understand and support what it takes to strive for the things that motivate me? If you aren’t prepared to read some copy, subscribe to my blogs and even retweet my link, we don’t go together, baby. I am so, sooo sorry.
Because you can damn sure bet that I’m hyping you up at every turn, whatever your efforts, wherever your passions.
Truth Six: We Work Hard/We Twerk Hard
All work and no play…
blah, blah, blah.
You know the drill. There has to be some time to step away and enjoy life or what the hell are we even doing this for? So mini vacations, dance breaks in the kitchen, impromptu nights out with friends, “look at this video” sharing and carefree romps in bed are basically a must. But understand fun may not always be about us spending time together. Support fun in whatever forms they need to come in — even if it’s in the form of separate nights out or weekend getaways with our own groups.
As hard as we work — so should we play.
Truth Seven: You Should Never Forget or Fail to Understand Your Replaceability
Not that a good man is a dime a dozen, but a good man certainly won’t warrant ejection in the first place. Therefore, if you’re bordering on fucking up please be aware that an ambitious woman is not going to wait until something devastating happens before making her exit. When a woman is focused on a goal, she is likely very protective of it. Meaning when you begin to display an immunity to these written truths, it is likely that you’ll be handed your walking papers WAAAAY in advance of trouble. Love is something you do daily — not a government job.
You can be fired.
Truth Eight: The Door is Always Open, Please Feel Free to Opt Out at Your Own Convenience
If at any point in courtship or beyond you find yourself overwhelmed with the realities of a woman who is just as or possibly more ambitious than you, feel free to opt out. Not only is it absolutely atrocious to live a life in which you are not experiencing your own truth; you are also in the way of someone who is perfectly willing to fill your spot.
Know that there is likely a basic female waiting around for you as well.
Truth Nine: You Need to Take Note of the New Status Quo
In case you haven’t realized, this is the new woman. Harriet started it, Angela re-defined it, Beyonce popularized it, and Michelle has established the new standard. Understand that women have evolved into something very beautiful. True partners to a strong man and what’s more — possible competition. This is not to put men in their place, replace them, or even minimize them. Men are and always will be highly necessary in the world as a whole, and specifically in the lives of strong women. But just know that passive women are becoming fewer and further between. More and more, often the submissive part of women resides strictly in the bedroom and sometimes not even there.
So either rise to our occasion or settle for a lesser breed.
Truth Ten: There Are a Lot of Men Who Deserve a Pat on the Back
These truths are not for the men out there who are hustling right alongside their girl, lifting her up and allowing himself to be lifted by her as well. These truths are not for the men who have no issues with stepping their game up and in turn asking their lady to continue to step hers up as well. Because those men already know there truths and a lot more, like the fact that:
The couple that rises together will shine together and that is the most rewarding kind of Black love there is.
Our struggle is fierce, but our hustle is harder.